Nov. 21, 2006

For many, Thanksgiving is the gateway to the most important time of the year: the "season" between Thanksgiving and New Years. This season includes major religious holidays. Mine is Christmas, but most major religions also have holidays during this time.

Traditionally, it is a time of harvest. It is a time to admire our work and to be grateful what we have. It is a time for soul-searching, to take stock of the good and the not-so-good about ourselves and make a commitment to do better. It is a time of reconnection with friends and family, and it is time when we are reminded of lost or damaged relationships.

This time of year often produces the most important and personal stories of our lives. Many are joyous and peaceful. Others are painful because of loss and disappointment. If I could measure it, I would guess this time of year produces the most laughter and most tears of any other time in our lives combined.

The time is so important that many of the people we serve who are in the process of dying will hang onto life until they see their families one more time. Then, they can let go.

That's one of the reasons this time is so emotionally powerful. It is it the season of enduring values and of the joyful, yet final, things in our lives. For those who lost loved ones earlier in the year, this is the first holiday without them. There is the laughing and crying, the delight of children and the sadness over passing of people and time.

The seasons of life. Ecclesiastes says that's the way life is made, as a time for everything under the sun. So, what is this season between Thanksgiving and the New Year? It is known as the season of peace. Yes, peace. Seems a bit ironic, doesn't it? After all, there is usually a war somewhere in the world. There is open conflict in many families about something. Life is far too busy. There is too much anxiety. Yet, we find peace. How does this happen? What is the secret of finding peace this time of year?

The secret is the liberal use of the most important words in the world:

I love you.

I am sorry.

Thank you.

Never let the season of peace go by without telling the important people in your life that you love them. Make it a part of every conversation. There's nothing worse than wondering after someone dies, "Did they know I loved them? Did they love me?"

Nothing beats forgiveness as a balm for most all that ails us. Forgive others for their imperfections (which you can't change anyway) and their injustices to you (which you can't undo). More important, ask forgiveness from those you have hurt and from your maker — they probably still love you anyway. You and I need to say it and hear it. "I am sorry" cleanses the soul of the hardened and destructive wounds and scars. Nothing is worse than regrets. Nothing is more healing than saying I am sorry.

The most universally constructive currency of affirmation in relationships is "thank you!" A grateful attitude, a grateful heart are the most sublime expressions of the fact that we need others to acknowledge us, help us and rescue us from isolation and affirm that we are important creatures in a complex world where the quiet needs and aspirations of the individual can get lost.

Nothing is more peaceful than coming through this season knowing that there is hope in any of life's difficulties because we love somebody, we are sorry for our failing and that we are truly grateful to others who make our lives worthwhile.

But you already know everything about what I've said, you see it everyday in your organizations.

Peace.

Larry

William L. Minnix, Jr., D.Min.
President and CEO

AAHSA
2519 Connecticut Ave NW
Washington DC 20008